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Five Reasons Why the Opponents of Gay Marriage Will Ultimately Fail

by Brian Frank

In the midst of the current political debate about Proposition 8, advocates of gay marriage should keep one thought uppermost in their minds.  Regardless of the outcome of Proposition 8 – or any anti-gay-marriage initiative – victory will ultimately belong to gay marriage and its supporters.  The opponents of gay marriage will not, and cannot, win in the end.  Why?  Because of these five simple facts:

1. Get Real: Opponents of gay marriage aren’t truly opposed to the legalization of gay marriage, what they are actually opposed to is the existence of gay marriage.  Their idea is that if they don’t acknowledge long-term, committed gay relationships, then somehow our relationships will magically cease to exist.  They’re like my five-year-old, who is very upset about gravity right now.  He doesn’t want there to be any gravity, because he likes to build tall stacks of blocks and they wouldn’t fall down if only there were no gravity.  Get real.  Gravity isn’t going to go away just because my five year old doesn’t like it, and committed long-term gay relationships aren’t going to go away just because opponents of gay marriage don’t like them.  Even passing a law against them isn’t going to erase the reality of our relationships, any more than passing a law can make the value of pi equal to three.

2. It Will Never, Ever Be Over: What do the opponents of gay marriage honestly think is going to happen?  Do they think that gay people will somehow just give up demanding that we be accorded fair and equal treatment for our families?  What would they do if they were in our situation?  “Well, Martha, a state amendment passed that says marriage shouldn’t be between a man and a woman, so I guess we have no choice.  Let’s sell the house and the car – the kids? Oh, we’ll just give them to social services.  I guess it’s time to go our separate ways.  How about we just shake on it, okay? I don’t think a kiss would be appropriate.”  I don’t think so.  Straight people would fight.  They would fight for their marriages, they would fight for their children, and they would fight for their families.  And they would never, ever, stop fighting.  Do any of them honestly think that we’ll do any less?

Think I sound militant about this?  Hardly.  I’m an assimilationist who counts straight people among his best friends and refuses to live in a gay ghetto.  I also didn’t come out until I was almost thirty, and carry with me the kind of internalized homophobia that is ubiquitous among gay people of my generation.  My efforts to stand up for myself as a gay man – politically and otherwise – have always been hampered by that burden of shame.  But teenagers today are taking their boyfriends to the prom and pledging fraternities as openly gay men.  When the young gay men and women of Generation Q reach marriage age, how much tolerance do you think they will have for being treated like second-class citizens?

And what of the gay children who are even now being raised in our families, the Second Generation? There’s never been an entire generation of gay people – millions of gay people – raised safe and free inside gay families that will never reject them and that will teach them Pride in who they are.  Not to mention our straight children – millions more of them than our gay kids – who are growing up Erotically Straight but Culturally Queer.  Just how do you think a generation of straight people raised by gay families will feel about gay marriage?

I’m just the tip of the iceberg, a man who was raised to expect and to tolerate injustice as a gay person.  But the millions of people who are coming after me are not growing up cowed and they will not stand for anything less than full equality.  No matter the fate of Proposition 8 or any other anti-gay-marriage initiatives to come, the battle isn’t over.  It will never be over.  Far from it; this war hasn’t even begun.

3. Welcome to the High Ground: Yet even someone who was raised to feel ashamed of himself because he was gay can reach the point where he’s had enough.  I’m tired of being told that my family is somehow wrong, and that I can be morally judged by others, simply because of my sexual orientation.  Even a convicted murderer is guaranteed the right to marry if he is straight, yet I am denied that right because I am gay.  When is it my turn to judge; when is it my turn to be morally superior?  My partner and I have been together for over seventeen years.  We own our home, mow our lawn, and pay our taxes.  We’ve been foster parents to four children, and are now raising a son that we adopted from foster care.  We both work for the government.  I’ve never used any illegal drug, not even marijuana.  I am a law abiding citizen, and in the seventeen years that I’ve been with my partner I haven’t even gotten a single speeding ticket.  I’ve signed my organ donor card.  We even go to church on Sundays.  I live an upstanding and ethical life.  So when do I get to be good enough to be the one to pass moral judgments in this debate?  I’d say right about now.

For just one example, let’s take one of the most outspoken opponents of gay marriage: Newt Gingrich, a prime architect of the Defense of Marriage Act.  Mr. Gingrich claims to be morally superior and to stand in judgment of me and my family.  Well, I’m afraid that shoe is on the wrong foot.  Do I instead claim to be morally superior to him?  You’re damn right I do. How dare he presume to judge my marriage?  This is a man who has been divorced twice and is now on his third marriage.  He even pressed his first wife to sign divorce papers while she was in the hospital recovering from cancer surgery.  Mr. Gingrich is nothing more than a political opportunist of contemptible morals, not a paragon of virtue.  I should be the one demanding that his marriage be outlawed, not the other way around.

4. America: Love it or Leave It: Opponents of gay marriage have dared to propose an amendment to the United States Constitution to outlaw gay marriage, just as Proposition 8 is now intended to amend the California Constitution. This shows nothing less than contempt for America itself, because it subverts the very intention of the U.S. Constitution by abusing a truly noble document for narrow and selfish political means.  The Constitution has never, ever, been used to deny rights to a select group of Americans.  On the one occasion when it was used to remove rights – during Prohibition – it treated all Americans equally, and even this misstep was later repealed.

Anyone who has no respect for the Constitution has no respect for America.  Because the Constitution – more than anything else about our nation– is what makes America great.  It’s what makes us who we are.  The Constitution is what gave us a stable government of free citizens, the first in the world.  Lacking respect for the Constitution, attempting to use it for partisan, parochial ends rather than for the manner it was intended – to extend and guarantee the rights of a free society to all citizens – is far worse than thumbing your nose at the flag.

The names of my grandparents are inscribed at the Ellis Island Memorial, and I am proud to call myself a third-generation American citizen.  I believe deeply in the ideals of America, “with liberty and justice for all.” And anyone who doesn’t uphold these ideals – embodied in the Constitution -  doesn’t deserve to call themselves an American.  True patriotism means putting the ideals of America first, even over your own personal discomforts or political disagreements, and the supporters of gay marriage like me are the real American Patriots.  Because we are the ones who truly believe in liberty and justice for all Americans – yes, even straight people. And anyone who doesn’t want to live in an America like that can get the hell out of my country.

5.  We All Know They’re Perverts, And So Do They: What is it – what, exactly, is it – that is “immoral” and “unnatural” about gay marriage?  Is it how we mow our lawns? Is it how we pay our taxes?  Is it the way we drive our kids to school?  Opponents of gay marriage use vague terms like “unnatural” because they are too full of moral cowardice and dishonesty to speak the truth.  What is it that upsets them about our families?  One thing and one thing only: how we have sex.  They don’t truly care about how we treat our spouses, our children, our relatives, our neighbors, or all of the other things that really define us as families, because they are too busy thinking about how we have sex.  They are so fixated on our sex lives that they can’t see any other aspect of who we are as families, so consumed with how we have sex that they feel driven to enact legislation about it in the guise of “defending” their own marriages.

I have to pay more for health care for my family, pay more for childcare expenses, chance losing custody of my son if I travel into the wrong state, and risk a thousand other threats to my family … all because some sicko can’t stop obsessing over my genitals?  That such behavior should occur in the civil domain is nothing less than disgusting and perverted behavior, and it deserves to be called exactly what it is.  The next time you hear anyone speak in opposition to gay marriage, take every word that comes out of their mouth and replace it with “penis, penis, penis” or “vagina, vagina, vagina” because that is exactly what they are really thinking.  We all know it and so do they; and sooner or later we’re all going to have to admit the truth of what’s really; going on here. Opponents of gay marriage should be ashamed of themselves; they are the real perverts here.

So to all the opponents of Proposition 8 and to the supporters of gay marriage – gay and straight alike – I say, take heart and do not be daunted no matter what happens on this Election Day.  Our opponents are spoiled little children unwilling to deal with reality, but we know the unassailable truth of our love.  Our opponents are smugly overconfident, but we are growing in numbers and our determination will not be denied.  Our opponents are morally reprehensible, but now it is our turn to sit in judgment of them.  Our opponents have spit in the face of the Constitution and all that makes America great, but we are the true patriots.  And our opponents are perverts who have dragged their personal obsessions with our sex lives into political affairs, while we seek only full civil equality for our families and our children.

They will fail and we will triumph.  Because in this fight it is we who are the righteous ones, and it is our righteousness that will - inevitably - prevail.

See all the contributed posts for Write to Marry Day at Mombian.

UPDATE: Check out the third commentator below for a whole list of arguments against same-sex marriage. Our very first negative comment.  I’m tempted to post his email, but I’m sure that would get me in trouble.  If anyone wants, use the contact page in the menu above to email me.

Pumpkin Picking

While waiting for Brian to return from his trip this afternoon, I took Darius pumpkin picking. Here are a couple of photos that I took, as usual he can’t keep a straight face for picture taking.

We got lost in a corn maze for awhile, it was a pretty big cornfield. Went for a ride on a trolley behind a tractor, a good old fashioned hayride would have been nicer.  They have a tube slide that goes underground down a hill on the farm.  This prompted the endless “again, again” requests, unfortunately that meant waiting in line multiple times.  These places aren’t farms anymore, they’re theme parks.

The Return of Aerosol Man

Brian finally got back from his trip today. It’s been a long week.  Here are a few more photos from the trip.

Friday Family Roundup (10/24)

A roundup of posts from family blogs I read this week.

Check out, This is the America I hope for, a post by Daddy, Papa and Me of a speech given by Barack Obama earlier this week on YouTube video.  The title expresses my own thoughts exactly, and I don’t hope for my own sake. My hopes are for my five year old son and for the world that he will grow up in. Which world will that be?

In a short post titled, Doing God’s Work, GDad at Cranial Hyperossification discusses the large sum of money the Mormon Church is spending to support marriage inequality in California.  He links to two charities that could be funded for a year with that money.

See the post, The Changing Definition of Marriage in California at Guy Dads.  They give some interesting history of the definitions and laws pertaining to marriage in California that have changed over time.

The Family Equality Council Blog lists, 10 Things You Can Do to Stop the Props, about Florida’s Prop 2, California’s Prop 8, Arizona’s Prop 102 and what you can do with less than two weeks until the election.

Finally, Mombian writes, Join Us October 29 for Write to Marry Day, asking us to:

Please join bloggers around the country and around the world on Wednesday, October 29 to blog in support of marriage equality for same-sex couples and against California’s Proposition 8.

We plan to participate.

T. Rex Spotted At Pittsburgh Airport

Brian emailed to let me know he arrived in Pittsburgh where he will be attending his 25th undergraduate reunion from Carnegie Mellon University.

Apparently there are dinosaurs at the airport and a T. Rex is on the loose. Darius will get a big kick out of this when I show him later, he is so into dinosaurs lately! He’s even watching Dinotopia DVDs, I think we’ll start him on Harry Potter next. Could a pair of geek dads be any more proud?

Wordless Wednesday

Flying Solo For A Week

Brian left this morning for a conference, where he will present some of his research.  The conference lasts until Friday and then he is attending his 25th undergraduate college reunion for the weekend in Pittsburgh. So it’s just me and the kid for one whole week. It hasn’t even been a full day and I got the, “when’s Papa coming home” whine when I picked D up from school.

Brian went to the 27th Annual American Association for Aerosol Research conference in Orlando, Fl.  Why are these events always in places like Orlando and not in places like Buffalo. I never would have imagined an entire association with conferences that was all about aerosol research.  I suppose I should though, working in a clinical laboratory I hear about some strange ones. My lab director is off at a Lyme Disease conference this week too, and that’s not one of the strange ones.  I forgot to tell her I would be late all week because I have to take the kid to school, oh well.

If you’re a little masochistic, take a look at the list of abstracts for work being presented at the AAAR Conference.  Brian is listed on page 112 in 3H.02 Aerosol Growth Events Observed at Urban and Rural Locations in New York and on page 262 in 9G.03 Application of Inlet and Transport Diffusion Loss Correction to SMPS Data: Effects on Reported Size Distributions at Urban and Rural Locations in New York.

If you’re even more masochistic here’s a link to the program I run at work, the NYS Diagnostic Immunology & HIV Proficiency Testing Program. The farthest I ever get to go is about a mile for a meeting in another building.

Photos From The Past: October 2005

Book Recommendation Contest At Book Dads

Our other blog Book Dads is having a contest.

We started this blog just two months ago as a site for anyone to find books and book reviews that have positive views of fathers and fatherhood. We would love to hear any recommendations of books, from you the readers, that would be appropriate for review on Book Dads.

For this contest we are giving away an Amazon.com Gift Card worth $25.00.

(Read More and see Contest Rules)

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